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Friday, April 11, 2014

Mental Spring Cleaning

So, I know it's been a couple of weeks since my last update. I sorta got stuck in my own head. I'd been feeling really weighed down by negative thinking. So, I retreated into myself and too stock of where my head was at. 

What I found was that March was a month of changes. I stopped drinking coffee, started eating healthy with the Isagenix program and I started blogging again. I kept myself so busy that what I really want got tangled up with a bunch of other things. 

It's taken me a couple of weeks to work through all of this. I did some mental spring cleaning and figured out what really matters to me versus what I do out of obligation. Once I sorted through the clutter I could clearly see where I want to go from here. 

Through this process I missed a couple of weeks of church and last week I felt like I had to go. I'm so glad that I did. The sermon spoke right to my heart. I totally cried. I talked with a number of friends and a couple of them prayed with me. I left feeling a lot lighter. I forget how cathartic tears can be. 

I think today's been the first really mentally clear day that I've had in a few weeks. I'm so thankful to have the support system that I do have. 

In other news, today marks my 37th day on Isagenix. To date I've lost 22.5 lbs and 12 inches. My clothes are now way too big for me which is both awesome and super annoying. I've got to look into getting some in between clothes. 

I'm excited about the future again. I can't wait until I'm ready to share my dream with the world! 

Have a fantastic weekend! 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Random Thoughts

What a long day. As you may have read in my last post; I had a challenging weekend. I thought I'd worked through most of what I needed to, but today I was hit with a "new" challenge. It's really the same one I've been struggling with for months, but usually something sets me off. Some mishap or maybe even hormones. Alas, there was none of that today. I was completely overcome by a desire to walk out, which of course I couldn't do, so the result was a crying jag in the bathroom. I was able to compose myself until I got home and cried some more until I composed myself and made dinner. My foul mood persisted through most of the evening, but it made me start researching my mystery project again. If I hadn't been feeling so down I may not have found what I've been looking for! My mystery project is within my grasp and at an affordable rate. 

Friday will mark Day 30 on Isagenix and, might I add, my 30th day without coffee. It's still amazing to me that I've gone so long without coffee. I've had my moments where I really wanted to just have a nice hot cup of java, but I resisted. I still have some work to do when it comes to potlucks and big family dinners. I also realized that I haven't been turning to food for comfort. I really wanted to today, but I was completely aware that my foul mood was making me want to eat. Writing and talking are my biggest outlets for my emotions. Instead of turning to food I turn to my phone and reach out to those closest to me. When at home, I find it helps to write a blog post or do research on my mystery project. All of these are helping me get over the really bad food habits I've developed over the years. 

Well, I'm off to bed. I've been trying to get to bed at a decent time the last couple of nights. Getting enough sleep is a part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle! *insert eye roll here* But it's true. I need my beauty sleep. 

I'm going to bed feeling a lot better than when I woke up. I call that progress! 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

A Very Jekyll and Hyde Weekend

I feel as though I'm at a crossroads of sorts. I went to an Isagenix training Friday night. It was great and it was tough. I was faced with some realities and I think my scaredy lion came roaring back. I feel like tucking my tail between my legs and giving up. You see the speaker at this event is an Isagenix millionaire. Would I like to be a millionaire? Sure. But that's not what I dream about. I dream about being a successful woman. I dream about being a leader in my community. I dream about helping people with my God given talents. And those talents ARE given to me by God. So, what I realized within the first few minutes was that this speaker is all of that. She is a woman. I, however, feel as though I am a mere girl, playing dress up. As the speaker shared her story I pulled so many similarities from my own life. What ultimately blew me away was that we are the same age and this hit me harder than I would have expected.

You see, I've made it to a point in my life that I can honestly say that I love myself. I deserve love and happiness. I am worthy. What has blindsided me is that those feelings of unworthiness have crept back in. Only this time it's related to success and business. I feel unworthy of being successful. There. I said it. All of my doubts and fears are weighing me down. I'm stuck in this in-between place where I know I have these skills. I know I could be really good at it. But I've got all of these doubts. I couldn't run my own business. Why would a client pay me to help them? I'll never make it.

I wrote the above last night. Since then I've had my biggest fan give me one of his speeches. My husband is my biggest supporter and he's always on my side. He tells me the truth, not just what I want to hear. One of the things that I didn't want to hear was that I have too many things on my plate. I know it's true. I just don't want to hear it. I've got too many things on the go and I don't want to drop any of them because I don’t want to disappoint anyone or let anyone down. Here's the thing about juggling too many balls at once a lot of balls get dropped. Because I have too many items on my agenda I'm not able to put in the effort I would like and a lot of things get put off or even forgotten about because something else came up that was a priority. With all of this in mind I came to three decisions. I decided to let one thing go immediately. The second one I will start the stepping back process until I can completely bow out at least at this stage in my life. The last one is to focus more on my health and well-being, which ultimately is the whole idea of letting go of some items on my agenda.

Once I made my decisions I did some spring cleaning to help with my newly decluttered mind. I went through my very cluttered inbox that held over 1200 emails and brought that number down to 59. In the process I rediscovered the Harlem Globe Trotter tickets that I received as a Christmas gift. The event is next Sunday! Can you imagine if I hadn't gone back through my email in time?

Then I moved into the kitchen and organized it as well. You see, we were given a pantry a few days ago and I still hadn't cleaned it out. It's clean now. My spices and baking supplies have filled the pantry! And now I have so much cupboard space!

It's amazing how quickly your viewpoint can open up once you make a decision. What holds me back is the indecision. Indecision leads me to overwhelm and procrastination. What this looks like on the outside is a lot of tv watching and laziness.

I am a woman of many interests and I try to take them all on at once - like any good "superwoman". That is until I gravity pulls me crashing back down to the real world. I can't do it all. I can't learn everything at once. I can't volunteer for everything little thing that interests me.

This weekend was a good bump in the road. It helped me around some hurdles that were blocking me path. I can see clearly again and I am at peace. Or at least my current version of peace.